Reflections at a cliff's edge

What does it feel to simply let go? I finally discovered what it feels like to just jump off a cliff putting aside all hesitation, fears and anxiety that is human nature.

It was last week (see pictures here) that we went to Tali Beach in Batangas and the experience, though not exactly the kind were you have a lot of things can do, was rather a reflective one. The first time I jumped, which took around 5 minutes before I decided to really go for it, got me having flashes of my life mixed with feelings of panic, anticipation, and fear between the cliff and the sea water below. It is funny really, when you look back and think about it but the feeling of it was totally insane.

Looking back, I wondered whether that same feeling is what goes runs through the minds of those with suicidal tendencies, jumping off balconies. Do they, at some point in the middle of the fall, think back again and just realize that they are really falling and realize the mistake of trying to take their life?

I mean, during that first jump, those thoughts came into my mind. Thinking, "Shit! I'm really falling! I have nothing to hold on to nor am I standing on anything solid!" It was just you and the air molecules surrounding you. Even if it was only for a second, it also, at some point, feels like an eternity. In the end though, we were all cushioned by the cool sea waves and whatever panic we encountered in between quickly disappear. Unluckily, for the suicidal person, they land on solid concrete.

Scary to realize that the feeling is quite addicting and you would somehow understand what it feels to jump of a 37 storey building. The experience is an exhilarating one but not one that you'd try to replicate in the middle of the Makati business district. After all, no one from the group I came with (myself included) have any suicidal tendencies.

Damn, this entry got weird the moment I wrote about suicide. Going back to my thesis sentence, what does it feel to simply let go? To let go of one's self, one's emotion, one's personal lies, one's insecurities? I guess, it is a mix of many emotions, mostly on the side of fear and hesitation but the end result is a sense of accomplishment and pride. Come to think of it, it's much like death and life.

At the end of the day, when Toffee finally got to jump, he felt very proud. And somehow, we all did and we all will too.

To reflect on one's own thoughts and feelings

Leader. What does it take to be one? By definition, a leader should have the capacity to lead but in essence, a leader should inspire people to perform a task without having them to compromise their capacity for growth and enabling them to be able to lead as well.

It's a hot topic on what makes someone a leader that it often boils down to defining what qualities should a leader have. Ideas cross your mind about what a leader should be but when you are put into a position where you have the opportunity to do so, are you really willing to take that chance? Can you honestly say you have the make of a good leader? Is it possible to be ready to be one?

Can you put aside our personal goals in order to exceed team goals? Can you lay down your personal ego when you made a mistake? Can you have the guts to apologize after making your mistake? Can you take all of the blame for the sake of the people you lead? Can you raise your concerns firmly, quickly and demand immediate action to items that are most important for the team? Can you not be selfish and be mature enough and grow up faster so that the people you lead also grow? Can you overcome personal emotion, personal criticisms and take it constructively? Can you make people grow and mature?

So many expectations, in the end, are you really ready to take it on? But I guess the bottom line really more than anything else is if you will be inspired when the people you use to lead become better leaders than you? It’s more than because of you but because their potential grew with you.

Introspecting before judgment of others...

My picks for May 2007

Tomorrow is election day for the Philippine Senatorial elections. Similar to the previous elections, I won't be able to vote. Again, this is not because of apathy or lack of interest to vote. I do want to vote. Unfortunately, I am registered in Cebu which is a plane ride and PhP6000 away. I have drafted my choices for the senatorial race though as seen below:

01. Chiz Escudero
02. Joker Arroyo
03. Kiko Pangilinan
04. Manny Villar
05. Loren Legarda
06. Alan Cayetano
07. Benigno Aquino
08. Martin Bautista
09. Koko Pimentel
10. Adrian Sison
11. Ralph Recto
(edited) 12. Edgar Angara (Mario Ongkiko) - I forgot Angara. He was UP President.

Of course, this is just my list and I am not endorsing you to vote for them or anything. Team Unity or Geniune Opppsition or whatever alliances do not really matter to me. I look for credentials and the idealism to serve. Gut feel and immeasurable, I know but let's see how these people do if ever they win. My bad if they do not turn out to be the shining ideal senators we expect them to be.

Again, I have always had my picks for every election since 1997 presidential elections and I usually have written reasons for each. Let's keep this list at that for now. You'll never know what new gossip I might hear today and might change my mind before tomorrow. :-)

Vote on the May 14 elections! It's not a privilege, it's your right!

Underwater Hockey - Introductory Course

Gone underwater hockey with Toffee today and it was a blast! Kian and Stan and Alda were suppose to join us but circumstances did not allow them to go. For pictures, please see Toffee's Multiply since I did not find the time or the energy to take pictures after.

Things you need:
1. Mask
2. Snorkel
3. Fins
4. Glove
5. Stick
6. Puck
7. A lot of air

Steps we did to learn:
1. Learn how to breathe and be comfortable with the snorkel.
2. Learn to "purge" the water from your mouth via the snorkel
3. Proper finning technique
4. BOGDAT once
5. BOGDAT many times
6. Swim slowly underwater
7. Swim fast underwater (You will feel the difference! Believe me!)
8. Pushing the puck
9. You can now play UH with the rest of the beginners!

The steps actually help you prepare for the actual game but playing it game can really tire you out fast! Aside from having to think about your breathing, you have to always look down to know where the game is and where the puck is. You'll probably get lost in the game even if you take just a moment to not look down. There are also a lot of times where you get to drink a lot of water by mistake but sometimes you wouldn't care since you need to push the puck! :p

I was part of the 2nd batch of newbies as I was not able to start with the rest of the batch since I had to grab a bite at a very far 7-11. Good thing too since the instructor that taught my batch was pretty patient and friendly (ei Ferdz!) and really guided us through the entire basic training. After doing the steps above (which is the suprt basic training), I was assigned center forward which was weird since I didn't know what to do and the other team has already been playing for sometime (not to mention that they were from Ateneo swim team). I did really perform well as a center forward since I don't reach the puck fast enough at the start and I can't steal it from the opposing team's center forward as well. My left and right forward were also from my batch of newbies...

It was cool though! I learned a lot and thought of new techniques that can help me more. Like, I shouldn't be moving back and steal the puck when it has already gone past me. That's why the center back is there. I should wait for them to pass it to me and I should be fast enough to dive and swim for the other goal. Also, I need to be a bit more aggressive even if you get hit by a lot of fins and people and snorkels and sticks... :p It felt like all that mattered was the puck and the goal. It was cool!

I met a lot of new people during the activity as well. A lot of really good and fast swimmers. It made me realize that I need to get back into shape (lung-wise). hehehe.. I am thinking of taking the basic class (10 sessions where the 10th is a tournament) but classes are on Monday and Thursday. Both are not good days in my calendar... :(

For those who are interested, let me know and I can refer you to one of the members of the Philippine Underwater Hockey Association. They are PSC and POC recognized. :)

How to Control Emotions

This would give you guides on how to control your emotions towards your better-half, friends, officemates and all the people around you, especially your "boss " . The rules of practicing " ugaling langit, ugaling kaaya-aya" :

#1 Ang naunang magalit ang may karapatang magalit. Pag naunahan ka na ng galit niya, tumahimik ka na lang muna.

#2 Walang taong nag-aaway mag-isa. Pag hindi kayo sumagot o pumatol, titigil din daw ang taong nakikipag- away sa inyo.

#3 Ang taong galit, 'bingi.' If someone is angry, wala raw pinakikinggan, so, don't try to explain and fight back. Hindi ka niya iintindihin dahil wala siyang naririnig kundi ang sarili nya.

#4 Ang taong galit, 'abnoy.' Ayon sa pastor, Biblical daw ito? because the Lord said when He was crucified, "Father, patawarin mo sila dahil hindi nila alam ang kanilang ginagawa." Modern term for these kinds of people are abnoys, so you better not get angry para huwag kang matawag na abnoy.

You should also know and realize that the persons who make your day bad are jewel s, because you need them for you to mature. Hangga't andyan daw sila at kinaiinisan mo, ibig sabihin, immature ka pa. God will not take away those people; it's for you to take away your bad feelings towards them. You'll know na mature ka na pag dumating 'yung time na hindi ka na naiinis sa mga taong ito because you have learned to accept them and to have patience with them.

#5 Finally, the best part of this is to tell yourself na, because of this person, "I will grow mature," and that DAHIL SA CONTRIBUTION NIYA SA MATURITY MO, KUKUNIN DIN SYA NI LORD. .

Card Deck

Three things I was known for during college was 1) being able to eat almost anything edible, 2) being able to sleep even at the most inconvenient circumstances, and 3) being one of our organization's card players. For this blog entry, I find the 3rd most relevant.

Playing your hand is about strategy. You are given your cards at random. You have no choice in that but what makes you win is how you play your hand. You may have a good hand but still lose in the end. You can not regret the kind of cards you are given but you will regret not being able to adapt to the circumstances of play you are in. Interestingly though, this is pretty much how I was analyzing my current career and life goals.

I was in a conversation with some of my officemates with them saying they feel they have made a wrong decision when they took our company as their first job. I had to agree with them on some points but not entirely. Most probably it'd be because I never want to regret any decision that I have already made. As with your cards at hand, you have been dealt with your hand that is your company, it is matter of playing it right; to hold off some cards when you think later on you can use them to move forward or be a go getter by dropping everything in one go. It's a game between you and your manager wherein you have to make sure that the round is going as how you plan it to be. Otherwise, you are sure to lose in the end. I know I made a good decision with my current company. It’s the small details or the crappy single cards that’s the problem.

My aunt from Toronto told my mom who told me that she thinks that I am suited to be working in a corporate setting because I am not a very readable person. I am not sure about that though. I may play my cards right but I also make sure that I enjoy the game with those I play it with. The relationship between players is important as well. You'll never know when you'll be playing a different card game in the future. Besides though, I don't really see myself in living, breathing and dying in the corporate world. It's just to suffocating. It's a good experience and it can surely build your character but it’s just not what I want.

Some of my other officemates talk about their batch mates from high school and college saying that they are now at this level and at this pay range while they are stuck at the same level and not too high pay range. It's a measure for me if I think about my career as an IT professional but as a player in the real world, it’s just not my thing. I feel more jealous of people who work in NGOs or in environmental organizations. Those sort of jobs have more meaning and contribution to the world.

I sometimes think if I am really suited for any kind of work. I don't feel I am much of a go-getter type of person to survive the corporate, city dweller lifestyle but at the same time I don't fit the laid back kind of guy who can survive being a free lance anything. I thought of being a writer before I entered college but that seems a bit far off from what I am doing or where I am now. I mean, I like my climbs/surfing/trekking activities to be part of the work that I do but I feel that I am not strong or fit to be able to do that every day for the rest of my life.

I was reading about corporate social responsibility in the Philippines earlier and it’s pretty inspiring to find some companies really do spend and make an effort to really make a difference for this country. Come to think of it, the reason why I joined the company was not because of its compensation or career path but due to its track record of corporate citizenship. What's disappointing is that it does not seem to happen for this particular site.

Hay, you get sucky cards sometimes and you have to learn when you need fold in order to save up your chips for the next round of play...

Anti Pisay Watchlist Signature Campaign

For those who have not yet signed up against the travel watchlist being imposed on alumni of the Pisay Southern Mindanao Campus, here is the link to the online signature drive.

This is a wrong, illegal and unconstitutional way implementing a track down of the alumni and of those who have supposedly "violated" the Pisay contract.