In state of Limbo

Yes. Everybody passes the state of limbo. The state when you know you have moved on yet a state where you do not know where you are going. Yes, this I think, is the state where I am now. In my last post, I acknowledged the fact that I am now ready to leave the confines of the university ready to face the scary real world and here I am now facing that scary real world not knowing where to go after that first step out the gates of UP.

Now it seems so easy just to turn back and return to those gates just waiting so openly... God, who knew that moving forward takes more than just one step. Every step is equally as difficult as the first and finding that life you so desired, you have imagined having since the day you almost failed those major exams, gets farther and farther away from you. Who knew that real life is boring but very tiring, lonely yet too complex too even dare think of... Just last long weekend, I stayed home for three days... imagine three days trapped doing nothing other than the fulfilling my personal needs and basic necessities. Its not that I don't want to find a life, hell, I need a goddamn life. The thing is I do not know where to look. I guess this is one of those life defining moments where you need to sort of focus on what you want to do, what you need to do, what is there to do... grrr... this is getting harder by the moment.

There is this quote in the cubicle I am in now. It says: "you are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely." Is this a sign? Damn, and to think we all thought puberty was a tough period, that growing up from childhood to teenager was a the ultimate rock to climb! It isn't! I can say that! Maturing is at this point of life seems to be unconquerable wall, the insourmoutable mountain.

I have survived my entire life drawing strength from the friends that surround me. I guess this life telling me that I have to learn to draw my own strength, whatever strenght there is in me. Goddamn it, why can't I be as confident as others. I have so much to be proud of. I can accomplish so much and yet here I am trapped in my comfort zone once again.

Here I am in the state of limbo. You know you're there but not quite there yet. Argh... I'm just glad that this song came along while I was typing this shit of a blog entry... hehehe... I played this song twice... :p Bamboo presents... NoyPi

Tingnan mo ang iyong palad
Kalyado mong kamay
Sa hirap ng buhay
Sa dami mong problema
Nakuha mo pang ngumiti
Noypi ka nga
Astig

Saan ka man naroroon
Wag kang matatakot
Sa baril o patalim
Sa bakas na madilim

Hoy
Pinoy ako
Buo aking loob
May agimat ang dugo ko
Hoy
Pinoy ako
May agimat ang dugo ko

Sinisid ko ang dagat
Nilibot ko ang mundo
Nasa puso ko palaang hinahanap kong kulo
Ilang beses na akong muntikang mamatay
Alam ko ang sekretokaya’t andito pa’t buhay

Sabi nila may anting-anting ako
Pero di nila alam na Diyos ang dahilan ko

Hoy
Pinoy ako
Buo aking loob
May agimat ang dugo ko
Hoy
Pinoy ako
May agimat ang dugo ko

Dinig mo ba ang bulong ng lahi mo
Isigaw mo kapatid ang himig natin

Hoy
Pinoy ako
Buo aking loob
May agimat ang dugo ko
Hoy
Pinoy ako
May agimat ang dugo ko

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Just continue living life Mike! To my readers, if I do have them, my apologies for the rantings...