Here we are again

Yes, I guess I am back to square one. Lost in the infinity of things. Just the previous days I had a game plan on how to play my life. Work well, study smart, live life and plan ahead. Things seemed bright and all. There were points when I was rewarded for doing a good job. Thing paid off well. I know I like what I am doing with my work. It's fun and enjoy the company of good friends at work.

It's just that it doesn't seems like everything is fulfilling. I try to get my mind off of thinking about the next 10 to 20 years. What would it be like after this and that? Am I being who I really am? Just a few days back, Torya mentioned that I have changed. I wouldn't know really. I feel like my old self only that I am able to do things I want to do. Maybe, things are starting to get into my head. I've heard comments that I am someone who likes to win. I guess that's true although I was never like that before (or so I thought that liking to win was a good thing). Maybe I am just starting to go over the edge. I feel like I'm getting overboard on how I deal with people, with friends. It seems like I'm turning into the kind of person I so used to hate.

Arrogance is such a strong word but I guess that there is arrogance in the words that I utter. Am I forgetting where I come from? I guess what they say that money is the most toxic poison (redundancy intended) of all is true. I know I earn more than my fair share and I feel like this suddenness of me having more than enough is making me loose the focus of what I really intend to do in life. Is it just a matter of earning and rotating the dough we have or is there something? I have always told myself that money is not the only thing that motivates me but its getting harder and harder to find anything else that will.

Darn, I am beginning to forget that the relationships that have always kept me going these past years are the relationships that I am starting to loose grip. God knows how badly I have to reconnect to my old self.